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The Seven Levels of Relationship

August 9, 2012 3 comments

Seeker: In society, we live and deal with many relations. Sometimes we feel relationships are for our good, but why do we get entangled in difficult relationships? Sometimes we just drag the relationship with our partners.
Sirshree: Have you ever thought over the meaning and nature of a relationship? How many of us have ever explored multiple dimensions of a relationship, or as you said, why are we often compelled to relate the way we relate? Let us explore the answers to some of these questions and understand how we can move our relationship to a higher level.

There are seven levels of a relationship. Let us understand the seven levels through the example of a relationship between a husband and a wife.

Let us understand the seven levels through the example of a relationship between a husband and a wife.

Let us understand the seven levels through the example of a relationship between a husband and a wife.

On the first level there are only petty quarrels happening between the husband and wife, leading to big fights. Both feel that “to get married means to fight” and try to win and have the last word.

On the second level, the couple becomes aware of the fights and know the reasons. Now things become a bit clearer and the relationship begins to clear up.

On the third level, the husband and wife begin to understand not only the cause of their fights, but also begin to solve problems jointly. Both start seeing things from the partner’s point of view. Now they identify the reason for their disagreements and try to pre-empt it by amending their own behaviour. This realization and willingness to be more adjusting and understanding takes them to the next level.

At this fourth level, they begin to dig deep and see the real reason for their conflicts, not just the superficial reasons. They realize that on the surface they may seem to be arguing about the same issue (time, money responsibility and so forth), but secretly they may be arguing about some other hidden issues. There is an evident reason and a hidden reason for their differences. On the fourth level, they go deeper and encounter themselves and their hidden motives. And then true transformation occurs and they think honestly. They become aware of why they do what they do. And now they start understanding their patterns which were subconsciously developed while watching their parents since childhood. After getting the insights, they want to get out of the tendencies and patterns of their parents by probing deeper and with high understanding.

On the seventh level, where Bright love reaches its destination. It becomes devotion. -Image via Wikimedia

On the seventh level, where Bright love reaches its destination. It becomes devotion. -Image via Wikimedia

At the fifth level, they get the perspective that the fights are not of their parents, but of their values and beliefs. These values and beliefs and way of living got into them by observing their parents and society. After confronting the real reason and the operating beliefs, they find the right remedy for it. The couple now enjoys the power of relationship by functioning from the same level of consciousness, from the same platform. They now live and operate from serenity, freedom, love and happiness. This is freedom from within, real independence.

At the sixth level, disputes end. What remains is not love, but Bright love. Transactional love ends, reason seeking love ends. This is the beginning of unconditional love. At this level, the relation is not dependent on give and take. Love is full and complete and the couple enjoys freedom and bliss. The focus is only on giving unconditionally.

On the seventh level, there is full expression of the unconditional love. Where Bright love reaches its destination. The highest form of unconditional love now manifests; it becomes devotion. This type of rare devotional love exists between a devotee and the Lord, as in Meera Bai, or between a disciple and his Guru.

Seeker: How to move to higher levels?
Sirshree: To move to higher levels, simply do two things. Contemplate and Communicate. Contemplate on questions such as: From which level are you operating? What are you creating everyday in your life?  What are you creating in the now, around you, in the space of a relationship? Contemplate and elevate your level of relationship.

Having contemplated, now simply keep communicating and giving feedback to each other.

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Cast off your blindfold – know thyself

July 27, 2012 1 comment

Seeker: What is the definition of spirituality and how far is it required in life?

Sirshree: Spirituality means knowing our self and understanding our true nature. Many people think that spirituality is not really required to that extent. Let us understand this through an example. There are some people who live in a jungle. They work with their eyes covered with a strip of cloth. They make huts, pluck fruits, do some cleaning, rear animals, and carry out other such activities. However, they perform all these activities with their eyes blindfolded. Hence, while working they keep stumbling, falling and dashing against things. It is so difficult for them; yet this is the way they have always lived.

Is spirituality required in life?

Once, one of them happens to go to a place where his blindfold is removed. He begins to see! He is amazed. This person now comes back and tells everybody that they should go to this place where blindfolds are removed. They should all get the strips removed off their eyes and that will be extremely beneficial for them. If one of them replies, “I don’t feel that there is really any necessity to do this. Also, I don’t have the time for it”, then what will you say? You will say, “You are a fool! If you remove the blindfold, all your work would be completed much faster and in a better way. ”

All those people who are leading their lives blindfolded by false beliefs do not need spirituality. If you are going to live with such people all your life, then even you do not need spirituality. But, if you want to come out of that darkness, then spirituality is essential for you. When you will understand the real meaning of spirituality, this question will not arise. This question has appeared only because you do not know what real spirituality is. If you consider applying vermillion on the forehead, wearing saffron clothes, adorning garlands and rosaries as spirituality, then you are under an illusion. True spirituality is knowing your essence, recognising what you actually are.

Then the question is, how essential is spirituality? Is it really required? In spirituality, is it necessary to perform all the rites and rituals, rise early in the morning and read holy scriptures and perform worship, dip a lotus flower in water and sprinkle that water on everyone? The fact is that carrying out such activities is not spirituality; these acts are merely reminders of spirituality. People mistake these reminders (medium or channel) to be spirituality. That is why questions such as whether spirituality is necessary are asked. When reminders of spirituality become spirituality (or when the means become the end), things go wrong. The medium or channel is not the goal. The medium or channel exists for achieving the goal.

True spirituality is experiencing (not intellecutally knowing) the answer to the question, Who am I and then establishing in that experience of consciousness. It begins by casting off the blindfold of assumimg yourself to be a separate individual.  All that a guru does is to help you cast off this blindfold. Everything else done in the name of spirituality is akin to leading you to do various exercises with a blindfold on.  Someone who can ‘see’ can help you cast off the blindfold so that you too can see. Cast off this blindfold (assuming yourself to be a separate individual) that has clouded the Truth, shrouded the Self and eclipsed who you truly are.  Nothing else is required!

Source : Extract from The Magic of Awakening, a book authored by Sirshree and published in English by Penguin India and further translated into 9 Indian languages and featured in the Limca Book of Records for a book released in multiple languages on the same day. 

See the reflection of the Self in kith and kin

June 7, 2012 2 comments

Seeker: Do we need to be associated with kith and kin in order to live in this world? When man knows that he has come alone and will exit from this world alone, why then does he get into marriage? why does he beget children? Why does he toil for getting name and fame?

Sirshree: Yes, it is indeed essential to maintain associations with kith and kin in order to live in this world. Let us understand this with an example. You make friends and acquaintances with fellow passengers whilst you are traveling alone by train. Why do you do so? It is so that your journey transpires smoothly. However, this is an obvious reason. The other reason is so that you can learn the lessons that you have come to learn in this world.

See the reflection of the Self in kith and kin

See the reflection of the Self in kith and kin. Image courtesy: EzykronHD

The deeper reason for the creation of so many relations and relatives is that you (the individual) are crooked from eight angles (Ashta-vakr). What do you do, so as to straighten your crooked aspects? An individual with the eight fold crookedness  (Ashta-vakr) is also Ashta-ark. Let us understand the meaning of these two terms. Within us, there are certain aspects that are crooked and certain aspects that are our nature. The term Ashta-ark means the Self and Ashta-vakr refers to the ego-sense. The individual is crooked in eight ways due to the eight fold illusion (Ashta-maya). The notions of ‘I’-‘Mine’-‘To me’-‘You’-‘Your’-‘To you’-‘They’ and ‘To them’ are the eight crooked aspects. How do you get rid of them? For this you first need a mirror that enables you to see all the crooked aspects. Without a mirror, you will never able to know of them.

When people see their own photographs, they exclaim “’Hey! Do I look like this? … Do I think like this? … Do I walk like this? … Do I walk like this? … do I have such eyes? … such hair?’ People come to know about many of their own aspects only when they see their own photographs. When one hears his own recorded voice being replayed on an audio player, one would exclaim ‘Oh! Is this my voice?! … I never knew it is like this! … I never knew it’s so harsh!’ in the same way, the bad qualities, i.e. the eight fold crooked aspects that exist within the individual should be brought to light. If we do not get a chance to observe our own shortcomings, it will seem to us that we are absolutely perfect and absolutely right. For this reason, it is necessary that we get the real picture.

You need a mirror to visualize the crooked aspects within and also to see yourself

You need a mirror to visualize the crooked aspects within and also to see yourself

For example, if a judge, who passes verdicts in the court of law, continues to pass his judgments at home as well, it could be unacceptable to his family. He then leads an unhappy life. One day, he will try to analyze and see what are the mistakes he is making. He will see where he is going wrong. He will then realize that the world, comprising all the people he has to deal with, is indeed a mirror. In the court of law, no one can dispute his verdict as he benefits from the position of the judge. However, at home, he does not have the rank of the judge. At home, he is what he actually is. His designation does not come to his rescue. Thus, at home, he is able to see the reflection of his nature. He will not be able to impose his verdict on his child. His child will not adhere to his verdict. The child will naturally be obstinate. The orders that he commands at home are not final. The child will remain adamant and will force him to change his mind. It is possible to experience all these aspects only amidst kith and kin. If someone is telling you something, you are getting irritated … if someone is telling you something else, you are pleased… sometimes you do not carry out the task assigned to you by a particular person… you can witness all these vagaries of the mind only amidst relationships. What happens when you are dealing with your neighbor or the grocer? What is happening when you are shopping for clothes? What are you doing when you are buying medicines from the pharmacy? What are the questions you are asking? What are the underlying fears that that are evident from the questions you ask? Our kith and kin serve as a mirror to reveal ourself and the fears that lurk within us.

Ashta-ark indicates that when you get rid of the eight-fold crookedness your essential nature (Ark – essence), the self reveals itself. These very relations can then become the medium as well as the opportunity for the expression of the Self. This will be the beginning of heaven in life. When you are overflowing with boundless love, it will naturally be shared with those who are close to you. When the clouds are full of water and precipitate, where do they rain? Obviously, the land that is directly below the clouds will receive the rain.

By now, you must have understood that your essential nature is veiled by the eight-fold crookedness (Ashta-vakr). You therefore, need a mirror to visualize the crooked aspects within and also to see yourself. Your kith and kin serve as such a mirror in your life to enable you to see your nature.

Can we know our inner secrets with meditation?

May 31, 2012 4 comments

Meditation_is_keySeeker: Can we know our inner secrets with meditation?

Sirshree: Yes, meditation can help us know such things about ourselves which other people are unable to know about themselves. Meditation enhances our awareness, due to which our awareness increases for everything. We find ourselves more at peace and more stable.

Meditation brings a change in our thoughts. The chaos which exists in thoughts reduces to a great extent. A simplicity seeps in. Thinking power intensifies. Many things about the mind become clear to us, which otherwise we would have never known. But the bigger secret is ‘Who am I?’, and meditation helps in finding the answer to this question.

Enquiry about God

May 1, 2012 2 comments

Seeker: Who created God?

Sirshree: Do you think that God can die?

Seeker: No.

Sirshree: If something cannot die, can it ever be created?

Seeker: That means God is beyond birth and death?

Sirshree: Yes

When the world was created?

Seeker: Then, when did the God, who is unborn, create this world?

Sirshree: “When the world was created?” — This question is to do with time. But the concept of time came after the world was created. Then, how is it possible to give an answer using a concept that came later? Or understand it this way — that the world was created when time started. What “was” before time, is actually what is important. That which was before time always existed, exists and will always exist.

Seeker: The one who is faceless, timeless and spaceless — Is he God?

Sirshree : Yes. Allah, God, Eeshwar, Sakshi, Witnessor, Peace, Silence, Super Consciousness, Satchidanand — many names have been given.

Truth cannot be told in words

April 11, 2012 2 comments

Seeker: If Truth cannot be told in words, then how can one attain it and embody it in one’s life?

Sirshree: The answer to this is that even though it cannot be said in words, it can be pointed out to. All great saints have done so, be it the Buddha, or Guru Nanak or Jesus Christ or Ramakrishna Paramhansa or Ramana Maharishi or Kabir or Gyaneshwar. All these saints knew that “the truth cannot be expressed in words, it can only be indicated to… signalled out… pointers can be given.” This is UNTOLD TRUTH.

Be it the Gita, the Bible or the Koran, all books mean the same and talk of the same truth.

Be it the Gita, the Bible or the Koran, all books mean the same and talk of the same truth.

If the truth is pointed out to the one who is “thirsty”, who is a seeker, who has the desire, who wants to be spiritual, who is free of deceit, who is ready to listen, who has the eligibility, then that indication would be enough for such a person and he will experience the bliss of truth. It is only for such people that indications were made. But others misunderstood and they made meanings of their own. Be it the Gita, the Bible or the Koran, all books mean the same and talk of the same truth. A saint who has lived this experience of the truth has pointed out – “Whether you read the Gita or the Koran – liberation from ‘you’ and ‘me’ is the truth in all these sacred books.

When the indication has been made, and if the seeker is still mired in his own imagination, then he will not grasp what is indicated, because many a time even the unreal appears real. Fake jewellery shines more than real jewellery, the photograph of a child seems better in comparison to the real child itself. “Reality” is there right in front of your eyes, yet, what is fake attracts us more because we are used to giving importance to the fake rather than the reality. If the seeker does not have the real understanding, then he would give more importance to the false things. When the truth is being pointed out, what is erroneously being grasped is the pointing finger, rather than the truth.

A father is writing in red ink. Some ink spills over his fingers. His son, just then, asks him, “Daddy, how does green colour look like?” The father runs his eyes around the room and his eyes locate a green object. “Look at that,” the father says pointing out with his finger, “that is green colour.” But the son looks at the red colour staining the pointing finger and says, “I got it.” You know what he has actually understood.

Enquiry about God

April 7, 2012 4 comments

Seeker: Where is God?

Sirshree: You choose from these three answers:

He is within.

He exists externally.

Both in and out.

Seeker: I guess the third one.

Sirshree: Exactly. For Him, in and out makes no difference. The difference is only in our contrast mind.

Where did God come from?

Where did God come from?

Seeker: Then where to seek God?

Sirshree: You tell me. If he is both in and out, then where should you seek him?

Seeker: Maybe ‘In’ would be easier.

Sirshree: Precisely. Even if you seek Him outside, you will ultimately reach within. We look out into the mirror (an external source), but what it does is just to reflect us as we are. All idols and religious symbols stand for only one reason… to take us within. Then only do temples serve their purpose.

Seeker: Where did God come from?

Sirshree: This question sounds like a good question. But this question means that God was somewhere else and was not here. When He came here, then He won’t be there, where He was. So, does He keep moving from one place to the other?.. God is everywhere (omnipresent). Where did God come from?.. this question itself is wrong. If someone asks you, Is red color crooked or straight?, then you would say that red color has no relation with being crooked or straight. This question is wrong. Similarly thinking about questions like – Where did God come from?, Where He was?, are unnecessary.

Read more

  1. Search for God
  2. Self Enquiry with Honesty
  3. GOD, AN ARTIST
  4. Who am I?
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